Glorious Ruins

What do you do when you're about to take a walk and it starts thundering and raining outside? You sit down to blog, right?

I've been back home since Monday evening. It hasn't even been two days, but it has not been easy. I kind of wander around my room like a lost puppy. With no scheduled sessions to attend, no constant community surrounding me, no entering the depths of who I am through daily conversation, and no set rhythm to my day, I'm just bored and don't know what to do. So, I started thinking about starting new rhythms, things that were hit on during the training, and things that would deepen my relationship with Christ while also bringing life and joy to my day. The first thing that popped into my mind was my daily gratitude log from MTI. I've been missing MTI and being bored the past few days kind of strips me of joy. There's no better way of bringing yourself joy than when you list all the small things that you are thankful for! So that's where I've begun. The little things to log in my gratitude journal since being back. Here's a small taste of what I mean: The two year old Clark I live with running back in my room after realizing I was back to wrap himself around my leg in a hug, my TMS spiritual gifts cohort skype call, calling to schedule a haircut and having an availability 2 hours later when it usually takes a week (yay for haircuts!), baby Gwen smiles, dinners with the family I live with, Blue Bell chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream for dessert, sleeping in my own bed, eating my favorite Thai dish for lunch, and new lotion from a special friend from MTI. Just little things. Things that bring me joy. Things that bring me life.

The next thing I want to do is think about everything I want to input into my daily rhythm and decide how I want that to look. It's important for me to do this before I start letting my time get filled with time wasters and modes of escaping for hours at a time in things that don't bring life. I want to have life giving rhythms once again. This requires some discipline so I know I need to go ahead and look at what it will look like once I start back to work. There are lots of things I'd like to incorporate, but I'll start with a few and gradually add more as the need for more arises. There. I have a plan to make a plan. Done. Just kidding. It's only the beginning.

Next: where is my heart in all of this? Every morning at MTI someone from among us led worship. It was a time that I really enjoyed. One morning someone sang the song Glorious Ruins. I don't know if you've heard it before, but it really captured my heart and expressed where I was, where I've been in the past, and where I'm going. Some of the lyrics are:

"Let the ruins come to life in the beauty of Your name, rising up from the ashes God forever You reign. And my soul will find refuge in the shadow of Your wings, I will love You forever and forever I'll sing. When the world caves in still my hope will cling to Your promise, where my courage ends let my heart find strength in Your presence." 

In some ways this reminds me of a study I did 3 or 4 years ago. We looked at Ezekiel 37:1-14 A Valley of Dry Bones. I was challenged to look into my own life and see what areas of my life seemed to have dried up and died. I remember realizing that my dry bones were actually my hopes for the future, my dreams. I was merely existing day by day without having any dreams or any hope for what was to come. I left small group with a new prayer that night. It was a prayer for God to give me a dream or to reveal to me past dreams and give me hope that they could still come. It was a turning point in my life. I prayed for a dream to emerge daily until something happened. A desire of mine that had been buried long ago started to to reemerge. After attending a short term trip to Peru with the youth group, a spark within me started to flicker. A desire for missions started to stir within me. A desire to go into all the world started to burn stronger with each short term trip I took that next summer. After Peru, Vietnam, and Kenya my dream was revealed. I had a new passion for life and I pursued it through TMS, trainings in India, Albania, and Colorado, and a vision trip to Thailand. And that, my friends, is why I'm now heading to Thailand (once fully funded) to serve. It's the dream that I was created with, a purpose that I cannot question. It's where my heart has always been and God brought it back into view. He let the "ruins come to life, rising up from the ashes." He breathed new life into my dry bones. And He's still breathing new life into me day by day. "Where my courage ends let my heart find strength in Your presence."

Ain't No Mountain High Enough

Just the quickest of updates. Yesterday I went on a day hike. The information I read about the hike itself said it was moderate in difficulty. The other hikes I'd been on said the same thing and they were easy so I went into this one a little unprepared. As I started the hike, it was ALL incline from the bottom to the top. It was way more steep than I had anticipated. It would have been super easy for me to simply turn around once I reached the end of the main trail and call it a day. But I didn't. I wanted to see what else the trail held. This next section of trail was no longer wide open and it also proved to be even MORE steep. It would have been soooooo easy for me to look up at the climb ahead of me and say, "Uh, no thank you. I'll just turn around now." But I didn't. I was on my own so there was no push to hurry or prove myself to anyone. Instead, I took my time steadily climbing the steep trail, proving to myself that I could do it. Finally, I came to the top and it cleared out a bit and there were large rocks I could climb up and sit on and look over the valleys below. I did it!! I reached the top!! And it was SOOOOO rewarding! The views were incredible! All I could do was sit on top of this massive rock with the wind whipping my hair back and forth and stealing my breath every now and then. I sat there for an hour marveling at God's beautiful creation. I was filled with such joy and peace. Thank You, God, for the beautiful hike and the precious time spent with You in Your amazing creation!

Know that no matter how hard life seems, no matter the difficulty or the challenge, the chaos surrounding you will open up to something far more beautiful than you can imagine. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next month or next year, but one day you will see the beauty and marvel at its existence.

Three Weeks Down, One to Go

As the third week of my time in Colorado for training comes to an end, it's hard to believe that I only have one more week left. The time has flown by and I've loved it! I've learned some very good lessons, learned all kinds of helpful language learning activities, made lots of new friends, had lots of great conversations, and had a wonderful coach for my weekly coaching sessions. I've been amazed at some of the insights that have come from the lessons learned. This week we focused on conflict management styles, reactions under stress, spiritual vitality, and Sabbath rest. I've had some deep conversations and some shallow conversations. I've taken many walks and I've had time to draw closer to God. Being single kind of sets you apart from all of the families, but knowing that I can handle doing things alone or on my own is super encouraging considering I'll eventually be moving to a foreign country on my own. I do miss my friends from home some times, but I've made some friends here that I enjoy talking to. My perspective has been broadened even more and I've gained so many new insights on how to do life well with a team and just others in general. I love the staff here at MTI and wish that I had more opportunities to talk with them one on one to get to know them even better. They have so much life experience and wisdom to share! I've continued to hang out with my fellow Texas peeps and the future Thailand peeps, but have also branched out to have meals with lots of others, too. There is just so much to learn from so many people, four weeks just doesn't seem like enough. I love living in community. I have my own room, but knowing the whole group is in this one building and our paths cross frequently leading to more conversations is such a huge blessing!
Tomorrow is Saturday and I have not made any plans. I will definitely go for a day hike somewhere, but I just don't know where yet. I hiked four miles up and down Mount Herman last Saturday. I also came across a Farmer's Market where I bought some fresh peaches, a sno cone, and a huge bag of delicious kettle corn! I  went to a tiny church on Sunday and enjoyed meeting people there. I haven't decided if I'll go back there this Sunday or try a different one. That one is nice because it's less than five minutes away.

Anyway, I'll close with a short story for you,  a God moment I experienced today. Today we discussed Sabbath rest and leaving margin in your life. We were "forced" to take reflection time. I was laying on my stomach outside in the grass with my head in my arms. I was pouring out all of the junk within me in order to be silent and transformed by God. I was unaware of my surroundings as I poured out my soul. I could hear a roaring sound in my ears but was detached from it as I talked to God. I finished and moved into silence at the same time as the roaring stopped and I was surrounded by silence. The roaring sound in my ears had been coming from a train that was passing by and it just so happened to finish at the same time as I did which led to the silence. And that was my God moment. Sometimes I'm so full of the chaos of life that the roaring in my ears makes it impossible to hear God. But when I pour out my heart to Him, the silence comes, thus transforming me.

Two other things I've taken note of this week are: I am a teddy bear and no matter how deep the pit you're in, God is deeper still.

Mi lukluk, tasol

Mi lukluk, tasol
Get it?

Howdy from Colorado!! I've been here for about a week and a half now. For those of you who do not know where "here" is, I am at Mission Training International. Here they focus on developing and equipping cross-cultural messengers of the Gospel of Jesus Christ for effectiveness, endurance, and personal vitality. These first two weeks have focused a lot on language learning techniques and I can honestly say I have learned so much! From doing phonetics drills where we make all kinds of funny sounds while watching our mouth in a little mirror to using techniques to practice learning some basic phrases or commands in a couple of different languages. I have learned a little Jeh and Vietnamese. It was definitely a unique and very effective way of learning that I will put into action as I continue to learn Thai. It has actually got me MORE excited about learning Thai! We've learned a lot about communication, differences in cultures and meanings, and perspectives, too. I've also had individual coaching sessions and singles lunches which are super awesome. I can't say that I get the option to talk to other singles going through this transition much at all so to have this opportunity is great! I'm looking forward to the last two weeks of training. I was told that we'd shift from being more in our minds to moving more into our hearts. Yay! I'm excited to see where we go from here!
Colorado is beautiful, of course. Plus, the temperatures are so much cooler than being back home in Texas. I've enjoyed taking lots of walks on trails, hiking at the Garden of the Gods, and the big firework display on the 4th where I actually felt chilled! I look forward to spending even more time outdoors during the next few weeks. It's definitely been a blessing to have the opportunity to spend more time outdoors. I've also enjoyed getting to know new folks and listening to their stories. I'm looking forward to continuing to deepen those relationships as we all continue to train and grow together! My table mates for main sessions are usually fellow Texans and future Thailand peeps. It's fun to be surrounded by those connections! Things just continue to get better and better as I find a rhythm and a place here at training. I'm spending more time with others and talking more. We're doing things outside of learning which only helps enhance and deepen those relationships.
In other news, my church's communion rail offering last Sunday was designated to me. Some church friends worked with me to create a little video sharing about my journey to Thailand which was emailed out to the whole church congregation on Saturday. I haven't heard the final offering amount, but whatever it is, I am just blessed to be so loved and supported by my church congregation. Just to have that opportunity in the first place is a huge blessing. I am also blessed that I will be the mission focus of a VBS at the church I grew up in! They have committed to donating their VBS offering to me! I was also blessed that my dad's church voted to donate their VBS offering to me, too. I can't even find words to express how much it means to me to be supported and encouraged by past and current connections, as well as by those I don't know all that well!
For those who really haven't heard much about how I got to where I am now, here's a little bit about that journey: Missions has always held a special place in my heart. I can remember being at GA camps and being so drawn to the missionaries that would come and speak. In high school, I wanted to pursue missions by going to a summer program but was not allowed to. From there, I continued serving locally within the church and LOVED the few trips I got to go on to serve in Mexico. Along the way, all of that kind of got lost in living day to day life as an adult. About four years ago, I got the opportunity to go with some youth to Peru to serve on a short term trip. That trip ignited a flame and the calling re emerged. The next summer I went to Vietnam for one month and Kenya for two weeks. After returning, I knew for sure I was supposed to be serving overseas long term. I partnered with TMS and through working with them found a placement in Thailand. Through partnering with them and attending various required trainings, I've had the opportunity to visit lots of countries. Beyond the ones already mentioned, I've been to Israel, India, Albania, Montenegro, Macedonia, Kosovo, and Thailand. The thing I love most about visiting all of these countries is the people. I love meeting new people, learning about them and their culture, and getting to share the love of Christ with them! Love is love in any language so where I can't fully communicate in words, love bridges the gap. I've experience it time and time again in every country I've visited! If you have questions, feel free to ask me. I love sharing my heart with others!

Garden of the Gods

First 4th in the US in 4 years!

Using new learning techniques to learn some Vietnamese

I was reading a book the other day and I came across this paragraph: "But beneath every secondary motive was a primary motive: He (Jesus) loved God, and he Loved to please him. Nothing he ever wanted or felt or did compromised the passion that ruled in his soul. He loved God with all his being. His idea of deep pleasure, of "soul joy," had nothing whatsoever to do with prestige or recognition or accomplishments or success or approval from others or even intimacy with friends. He found his deepest satisfaction in God. His identity was centered in his Father." My thoughts are, What would life look like if we lived like that?! What differences would that make in your priorities, your relationships, or your standing within the community? What passions rule in your soul? How many times do you feel like something's missing, that you're just not fully satisfied? Is it because you're looking to the wrong things to satisfy you? I know I experience that. How easy it is to fall into one of those other satisfaction boats. But none of those things every fully satisfy. Let's take an honest look at our life and how we live it and see where we can look to God to fully satisfy our souls. Let's see what things need to change in order to have our identities centered in God.