Is Covid Giving You the Holiday Blues?

 I feel like the whole year has been spent in waiting. I was supposed to go visit home back in February for the first time in almost 3 years. To say I was excited is an understatement.

But then Covid. My flight was canceled. So I've been waiting for Covid to get better and for Thailand to reopen so I can plan a new trip home.

I was just beginning a new ministry with a new church.

But then Covid. The church had to close. Once reopening, the students just haven't come back and so the church canceled the Saturday classes I was helping with.

I was helping with the church's English Center too.

But then Covid. The English Center closed and since reopening, not enough students have returned for me to have my own class.

I've checked with lots of other volunteer opportunities.

But Covid. They just don't have the numbers to have enough work for their paid staff; let alone volunteers.

I've taught online for the church's English Center some through this time.

But again, Covid. People stopped studying, schools reopened, job demand is down.

So I wait. I wait for Covid to get better. I wait for an opening somewhere to help long term. In the waiting, I do still help others. I do still help out at the English Center with my ministry partner Lena. I just don't have my own classes. Job demand for Cabin Crew is zero so there are no longer those students seeking one-on-ones. I continue looking for volunteer opportunities. I help teachers at the Thai language school with little things such as computer problems, downloads, powerpoints, phone issues, English, etc. I help my best friend with English daily. I help other students at the Thai language school as the opportunities arise. Just today, I had a student from China at the Thai language school approach me to ask for help with some English documents she had. I have weekly video chats with one previous cabin crew student who chose not to continue with those studies but loved chatting in English with me so asked if we could chat weekly. I help the Thai teachers' kids with math and English when needed. Everyone at my Thai language school knows that I'm always available to help if needed and they've moved past that fear of asking for help and freely ask these days. Not in an overly abundant overwhelming way. Just in small things here and there. So yes. I still serve. Just not in a specifically laid out and scheduled kind of way.

Do I want to serve more? Absolutely YES! Do I want my own classroom? ABSOLUTELY!

But Covid. I feel like in a way, my whole life has been put on hold due to Covid.

Yes, I'm sure I'm making a difference in people's lives little by little. But oh, how I'd love to have something that is routine and mine. Something to plan and prep for. Something to create fun holiday lessons for. How I'd love to teach about Thanksgiving and why it's a holiday in America! I want to have something that's uniquely mine. That can incorporate English, Bible, American traditions, life skills, songs, and games. I've been creating a new vision for how I can make that happen and I hope to share it with everyone very soon.

With all this being said, what about the holidays? This is usually my most favorite time of the year. Thanksgiving to Christmas to New Years. I love this season. I love spending all these holidays with family, friends, and community. 

But Covid. Covid changes everything. I can't travel home to visit everyone and do the holidays the American way. And even if I could visit America, no one can really celebrate the traditional American way because of Covid. Here in Thailand, Thanksgiving and Christmas are not really celebrated. You can find Christmas decorations and hear stores playing Christmas music, but that's usually the extent of it. In fact, my Thai language school has classes all the way to Christmas day. Last year, they had classes all the way to Christmas Eve.

I usually enjoy decorating for Christmas. Last year the school borrowed my tree and I decorated it for Christmas there.

But Covid. This year, the school will not be doing a Christmas party because of Covid and no large gatherings so they won't decorate with a big tree and will just do small decorations. I live in a small space; just a room with a bathroom. No space for Christmas decorations. So yes. I'm beginning to feel the holiday blues. Yes, I have adapted quite well to life in Thailand. But when I don't get to do anything related to my American roots, I feel like I've lost a part of me. It makes me feel sad.

Because Covid, I feel like everything I tend to look forward to during the year has been canceled or cut out. Thai or American traditions. Everything. Nothing has been the same since Covid. I miss celebrations. I miss having the opportunity to travel back to America for a visit. I miss teaching. I want to use my creativity and passion to brighten the world and the lives of students and others I come into contact with. But I can't do that in the way I envision because of Covid. It has been a tough year. I never imagined almost a year later, there would still be Covid and it would be a worldwide pandemic. I thought I'd wait it out for a few months. But those few months quickly turned into half a year and now almost a year. Will it ever get any better? When?

I've been trying to get myself into the holiday/Christmas spirit by checking out all the Christmas decorations around town, listening to Christmas music, and watching Christmas movies on Netflix. Unfortunately, the Christmas movie pickings are a bit slim on Thailand Netflix which is a little disappointing. But I was excited to see they had The Grinch finally and watched it this past week! (I have checked Netflix for this movie every year since coming to Thailand and this is the first year they've added it.) Don't get me wrong. I am not unhappy where I'm at. And I still love Christmas. It just feels weird and off this year, as has the whole year. Nothing is as expected. There have been more stressors. It just doesn't feel like a real Christmas season to me yet. Maybe because I'm still waiting for everything to get better. For Covid to go away. But I know I can't blink or will it away. I just need to stop waiting for things to get better and kick back and enjoy the way they are. Enjoy the little things a bit more and stop waiting for the big things to come. The big things will come in time. But sometimes knowing a timeline would be helpful. Will things work out in my favor? Will things work out the way I'd like them to? Will my hopes and dreams for my ministry in Thailand become reality? I don't know. But let's let that go for now and live in this present moment. With that being said enjoy the Christmas decoration pictures.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!! I am very thankful for all of the wonderful family and friends I am blessed with all over the world. I'm thankful for the life God has given me. I'm thankful for my precious Lucy dog. And I'm thankful for yummy food!

I am thankful for way more than the above mentioned. That's just a very abbreviated list.

Curious?

Have you ever been curious about how my life is different here or what has changed? I thought I would make a quick little post about the big and little differences in my life here. Give you an idea of how things are here and what adjustments I've made in the past 3 years of living here. I think a list format would be easiest. And I'll throw in a few pictures to make it more fun!

1. First big change and adjustment was remembering to take off my shoes before entering a home. Now, it's second nature and I even feel weird entering a hotel room still wearing my shoes.

2. I wear sunblock on my face every day. In America, I rarely ever applied sunblock.

3. I also apply a baby powder on my face every morning to help keep it dry and cut down on oiliness cuz it's hot here.

4. I avoid long periods of time in the sun which is the complete opposite of life in America. So that means my skin is way less tan these days. Here, the sun just seems hotter or maybe I just got more sensitive. Who knows?

5. I eat way more vegetables here; even fresh uncooked vegetables. But I still hate regular lettuce and tomatoes. Some things never change.

6. I eat much spicier food on a regular basis. Western food is often bland to me these days. I also eat a lot more things I never would have eaten before.

crunchy dried and seasoned little fishies

7. I no longer use ketchup as a condiment and have changed to using chili sauce.

8. I used to be considered a knowledgeable and efficient person in America, but here, I often still make common mistakes and do things wrong according to Thai culture.

9. I can speak, read, and write Thai at an acceptable communication level!

10. An unfortunate change has been an increase in self-doubt. It's hard merging into a new world and culture. Even the smallest most common things that you don't even think of as being something that could be different are and cause misunderstandings some times. I often face a quick bout of self-doubt before answering or doing things.

11. Whereas Lucy went everywhere with me in America and had many human friends, here she isn't as readily accepted. Most Thais don't understand the importance we give dogs in our lives. This means Lucy unfortunately has limited human contact and she used to miss it. I think she's adjusted now, but it was sad for me to see for a while.

12. I no longer cook for myself or anyone else because I live in a small room with no kitchen. This has been a hard adjustment for me and I miss it regularly.

13. I take way more selfies here because that's a serious Thai thing. They set up picture props everywhere because it's such a big deal.

14. I can drive efficiently on the right side of the car on the wrong side of the road. I only sometimes flip on the windshield wipers instead of the blinker. But I've completely stopped walking to the wrong side of the car to get in.

15. I usually wear a face mask out even before Covid. I found it helped with my allergies some.

16. I know just how difficult the English language is.

17. Due to Covid, I now have experience teaching online.

18. The Thai national anthem is played in the morning at 8:00am and evening at 6:00pm. When this plays, you must stop what you're doing and stand. Even at the park if you're out for a run, everyone stops while the song plays.

19. Most parks do not allow dogs so poor Lucy is extremely limited on fun outings. She only gets to go places when I go to my friend's hometown.

20. A lot of medicines are available over the counter here so when I get an occasional upper respiratory infection, I just walk to the nearby pharmacy and buy a pack of antibiotics instead of going to the  doctor.

21. Oh, and one of my favorite things, the shrimp are so much bigger and fresher here! Seafood is way more delicious here and cheaper!

fresh bag of crab

22. Watching American movies with Thai voiceovers is still weird. Still surprised when the voice isn't right. I mean, Arnold Schwarzenegger as Terminator should not sound like a small Thai guy. Nor should Kevin on Home Alone not sound like Kevin.

23. I drink tea now. Of course, it's the Thai milk tea so a little different, but yeah.

24. I now eat and enjoy durian.

These are just a few things I could think of off the top of my head. There are tons of little differences that don't even register with me anymore unless in the moment. After 3 years of life here, I've made some incredible adjustments and changes. Do I miss America? Sometimes. I really miss my family, friends, and church. And some American foods. Thailand is still closed to receiving foreigners due to Covid so even though I can come to America, I really can't because I have no idea when they will reopen Thailand. After 3 years of living in Thailand without visiting America once, I'm feeling a bit down because I miss everyone so much. Prayers that Covid will go away, Thailand will reopen, and I can plan a trip to visit soon!

Forgot a big change. Eating most often takes place on the floor in homes.

I'm still alive

I know, I know... It's been almost a year. Almost a year? Really? Doesn't seem like that long. But it has. And it's been a crazy year of things not working out the way I thought they would. In almost every thing. Nothing is how I had pictured it. And then there was Covid which completely shut everything down for three whole months. I'm tired. I haven't been 100% healthy in about 2 months. I'm hoping I'm on the uphill battle of that. I had plans to visit America. Visit family. Visit friends. Visit my church. Eat some of my favorite things that I haven't had in almost 3 years. I originally planned to go in December of last year. But the plane tickets were so expensive. Now, looking back, I should have bit the bullet and bought the expensive plane ticket. I bought plane tickets to go in February. But then Covid. The airline canceled my flights. Now, who knows when I will be able to go back to visit. Because not only is Covid still very bad in America, but Thailand is still closed off. And even if they reopen for me to return, I'd probably need Covid testing, Covid insurance, and 14 days of quarantine. Things are crazy with the pandemic. Even though things have reopened as normal here in Thailand, I've noticed there are quite a few shops and such that have not reopened. I'm guessing they're not financially able to reopen after having closed for so long. So sad. The churches and English center here were closed so I couldn't do any volunteer work at those locations. I took on teaching online, but that's not my favorite thing to do. I like hands on teaching more. Although online teaching is more flexible and easier in many ways, it's still not my favorite. And it had it's difficulties as well. Sometimes with connections. Sometimes lacking that personal touch. And sometimes just with figuring out how to draw students out to participate fully. But in all of this, I stay faithful in my call to serve the people of Thailand. Maybe that doesn't look like the set up ministry I had envisioned with a church or English Center. Maybe those things are on hold due to Covid and school just restarting. But I'm still loving as fully as possible and helping others when I have the opportunity. Sometimes that involves helping with translating. Sometimes it's teaching English, math, science, or history. And sometimes, it's just helping with technology phone and computer questions from Thai teachers. Not at all what was envisioned for this year. But still developing those relationships where others know they can come to me and ask for help. Others trust me enough to ask for help. Relationships. That's the most important thing. That's what I'm here for. So I guess in some way, I'm being successful in little ways. Below you can check out some pictures from my teaching this past year. Pictures of a few online students, a few face to face private lesson students, and some group class teaching at the English Center.

These are some of my online student pictures. The last one is one of the adults I teach practicing job interview skills to become Cabin Crew. Some students studied 2 hours a day, twice a week with me and some study just 1 hour a week. It's up to them.

Students I teach in person.

Students I helped teach at the English Center.

This is a thank you from a student I helped with her school English work.

Life and service here don't come across as picture perfect, but I choose to serve and love well in all things. Life here in Thailand isn't easy by any means. Even though I have learned the language, there are still so many things I don't understand. So many culture differences. I'm always learning. It can be exhausting at times and make me feel like crying, but overall, I wouldn't trade it for anything else. And then, there's always the beaches here. When I'm worn out or beaten down, I take a quick trip down to a cheap beach and sit by the water to refresh my soul and spirit for a weekend. Unfortunately, with Covid, that has not been possible lately.

A short trip to Phuket paid for by a friend.

Next time, I'll try not to wait a year before updating here. Thanks for taking the time to keep up with my story and walk with me on this journey.