I feel like the whole year has been spent in waiting. I was supposed to go visit home back in February for the first time in almost 3 years. To say I was excited is an understatement.
But then Covid. My flight was canceled. So I've been waiting for Covid to get better and for Thailand to reopen so I can plan a new trip home.
I was just beginning a new ministry with a new church.
But then Covid. The church had to close. Once reopening, the students just haven't come back and so the church canceled the Saturday classes I was helping with.
I was helping with the church's English Center too.
But then Covid. The English Center closed and since reopening, not enough students have returned for me to have my own class.
I've checked with lots of other volunteer opportunities.
But Covid. They just don't have the numbers to have enough work for their paid staff; let alone volunteers.
I've taught online for the church's English Center some through this time.
But again, Covid. People stopped studying, schools reopened, job demand is down.
So I wait. I wait for Covid to get better. I wait for an opening somewhere to help long term. In the waiting, I do still help others. I do still help out at the English Center with my ministry partner Lena. I just don't have my own classes. Job demand for Cabin Crew is zero so there are no longer those students seeking one-on-ones. I continue looking for volunteer opportunities. I help teachers at the Thai language school with little things such as computer problems, downloads, powerpoints, phone issues, English, etc. I help my best friend with English daily. I help other students at the Thai language school as the opportunities arise. Just today, I had a student from China at the Thai language school approach me to ask for help with some English documents she had. I have weekly video chats with one previous cabin crew student who chose not to continue with those studies but loved chatting in English with me so asked if we could chat weekly. I help the Thai teachers' kids with math and English when needed. Everyone at my Thai language school knows that I'm always available to help if needed and they've moved past that fear of asking for help and freely ask these days. Not in an overly abundant overwhelming way. Just in small things here and there. So yes. I still serve. Just not in a specifically laid out and scheduled kind of way.
Do I want to serve more? Absolutely YES! Do I want my own classroom? ABSOLUTELY!
But Covid. I feel like in a way, my whole life has been put on hold due to Covid.
Yes, I'm sure I'm making a difference in people's lives little by little. But oh, how I'd love to have something that is routine and mine. Something to plan and prep for. Something to create fun holiday lessons for. How I'd love to teach about Thanksgiving and why it's a holiday in America! I want to have something that's uniquely mine. That can incorporate English, Bible, American traditions, life skills, songs, and games. I've been creating a new vision for how I can make that happen and I hope to share it with everyone very soon.
With all this being said, what about the holidays? This is usually my most favorite time of the year. Thanksgiving to Christmas to New Years. I love this season. I love spending all these holidays with family, friends, and community.
But Covid. Covid changes everything. I can't travel home to visit everyone and do the holidays the American way. And even if I could visit America, no one can really celebrate the traditional American way because of Covid. Here in Thailand, Thanksgiving and Christmas are not really celebrated. You can find Christmas decorations and hear stores playing Christmas music, but that's usually the extent of it. In fact, my Thai language school has classes all the way to Christmas day. Last year, they had classes all the way to Christmas Eve.
I usually enjoy decorating for Christmas. Last year the school borrowed my tree and I decorated it for Christmas there.
But Covid. This year, the school will not be doing a Christmas party because of Covid and no large gatherings so they won't decorate with a big tree and will just do small decorations. I live in a small space; just a room with a bathroom. No space for Christmas decorations. So yes. I'm beginning to feel the holiday blues. Yes, I have adapted quite well to life in Thailand. But when I don't get to do anything related to my American roots, I feel like I've lost a part of me. It makes me feel sad.
Because Covid, I feel like everything I tend to look forward to during the year has been canceled or cut out. Thai or American traditions. Everything. Nothing has been the same since Covid. I miss celebrations. I miss having the opportunity to travel back to America for a visit. I miss teaching. I want to use my creativity and passion to brighten the world and the lives of students and others I come into contact with. But I can't do that in the way I envision because of Covid. It has been a tough year. I never imagined almost a year later, there would still be Covid and it would be a worldwide pandemic. I thought I'd wait it out for a few months. But those few months quickly turned into half a year and now almost a year. Will it ever get any better? When?
I've been trying to get myself into the holiday/Christmas spirit by checking out all the Christmas decorations around town, listening to Christmas music, and watching Christmas movies on Netflix. Unfortunately, the Christmas movie pickings are a bit slim on Thailand Netflix which is a little disappointing. But I was excited to see they had The Grinch finally and watched it this past week! (I have checked Netflix for this movie every year since coming to Thailand and this is the first year they've added it.) Don't get me wrong. I am not unhappy where I'm at. And I still love Christmas. It just feels weird and off this year, as has the whole year. Nothing is as expected. There have been more stressors. It just doesn't feel like a real Christmas season to me yet. Maybe because I'm still waiting for everything to get better. For Covid to go away. But I know I can't blink or will it away. I just need to stop waiting for things to get better and kick back and enjoy the way they are. Enjoy the little things a bit more and stop waiting for the big things to come. The big things will come in time. But sometimes knowing a timeline would be helpful. Will things work out in my favor? Will things work out the way I'd like them to? Will my hopes and dreams for my ministry in Thailand become reality? I don't know. But let's let that go for now and live in this present moment. With that being said enjoy the Christmas decoration pictures.
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