I Have a Dream

So I recently sent out an update on my dream and vision for my future here in Thailand. I truly believe this dream was put in my heart from God. This dream is to find a space and open my own English center that would be called Love English Learning Center. Love because all lessons and activities would come out of Christ's love for the students as well as my love for them. I want to follow this vision and make my dream a reality more than anything else in life. Yes, the dream is a bit big. But I guess the more simple dream is to continue living and serving in Thailand with other English Centers. In this, I may not have my own space YET, but I still get to serve out of love and teach.

I absolutely believe this dream was placed in my heart for such a time as this. A time when Covid has run rampant in our lives, our communities, our cities, our world. A time when children could use the stability of a safe learning environment to not only learn English, but be loved and experience the love of Christ. A time when families have lost their income due to Covid, but still want the best for their children's education. A time for me to reach beyond my means and try to make this dream a reality. For now, I can provide and be this through other English Centers, but eventually hope to raise enough support to open my own space! You can't even imagine how many ideas and how much excitement I have for when I get a space of my own and all the skills I can work on teaching my students at no cost to them!

But what happens when you follow your heart, and your dreams aren't becoming reality? When you've tried all you can, but you just can't get the funding to make it happen? What happens when you have to consider the reality that you may never get to live out your dream or heart's calling from God? How are you supposed to live with yourself if you're not living from that dream? Do you just let it die and feel a bit of yourself die in the process? Do you accept defeat and try to move on and live without a dream anymore? How do you find contentment in not living out your heart's call, your dream, your vision for serving others well and sharing the love of Christ with others? How can you live in joy if you're not living out of that dream? So many questions. If I say goodbye to my dream, am I saying goodbye to living a fulfilled life? Will I be doomed to live a life just going through the motions unable to find true joy? A life of mediocrity? Numb and always feeling like something is missing? When I came to Thailand, it was the first time in my life that I felt like I was truly living out my purpose for life. Like I had finally found my heart's calling and this is where I was meant to be serving. Yes, there have been ups and downs. Yes, there continue to be ups and downs. And yes, there will always be ups and downs. There will be tears, sadness, and loss. There will be laughter, joy, and successes. At the end of the day, I feel like I'm where God has led me to be. At the end of the day, I keep holding on to hope that it will still happen. That it is still a possibility to continue living and serving here in Thailand. That God is on my side.

Now, you may ask me why. Why is it so difficult to live out the dream? What factors are contributing to the roadblocks on the way to making this dream a reality. The dream of opening my own learning center called Love English Learning Center here in Thailand. Or the smaller dream of continuing to serve through other English Centers here in Thailand. The number one roadblock is funding. Currently, I won't even have enough monthly funding to pay my current rent for next month. If I can't even pay my basic needs to stay here in Thailand and continue serving at other English Centers, etc, how can I even think about finding a bigger space to open my own center and all the expenses that come with that? Honestly, I don't know how I will make ends meet starting next month, but I'm still not prepared to throw in the towel and retreat back to America. If I leave now, I risk never being able to come back and live out my dream here in Thailand. I'm very much afraid that if I leave now, I will officially be saying goodbye to my calling and purpose. Even if I put my own English Center on hold for now and just continue to serve with others, I'd at least still be living out that calling. But even then, I still need funding to stay here. I no longer have enough monthly support coming in to meet my living expenses. The second roadblock has been Covid itself. Due to Covid, we've been on countless lockdowns and school/english center closings for the past 2 years. It's super hard to show possible financial partners that I'm actively serving when we've been shut down so much due to Covid. The country has opened but with major restrictions and quarantines making a visit to America extremely difficult and expensive due to all the hoops you have to jump through in order to get back. It's been about a year and a half since my airline tickets to America were canceled due to Covid. I NEVER imagined Covid would still be causing problems 2 years later. I assumed I'd have time to plan a trip back to America and meet with possible supporters and find the funding to make my dream happen before I was in this boat of having no more saved funding left. But here I am. And here Covid still is. My city is still on lockdown, restaurants are only open for delivery and take out, businesses have earlier closing hours, and there's a ban on traveling outside of the city. Plus, there is news of a possible Thailand lockdown again. Covid is on a rampant spread, hospitals are full, and there's only the option to receive a crappy Sinovac vaccine which isn't fully effective against Covid. I have no idea what the new lockdown will be. It may just close Thailand again. Or it may increase restrictions. Have to wait and see. The news often talks of possible changes in lockdown and restrictions a day or two before any decisions are made. You may ask what. What have I done on my own to try and make staying in Thailand possible? The first thing I did was try to find a paying job. A job that would still allow me to serve for free at the English centers some too. Really terrible time with Covid to try and find work. And then there's the added problem of my not having a degree. Yup. I'm officially lame here because I dropped out of college before getting a degree in anything. It doesn't matter how many years of teaching and classroom experience I have (20+ years) from America as a teacher's assistant. To Thailand, the degree means everything. It doesn't even have to be a teaching degree! Any degree is acceptable for a lot of teaching jobs! So frustrating. I do however have a Teaching English as a Second Language certificate. Some folks say that's enough, but I still haven't found any schools willing to accept just that. Still searching. Second, I've tried finding some paid tutoring jobs. Just to earn enough to survive tightly so that I could devote the rest of my time to serving free of charge. But then Covid. Either folks don't have the money to study privately OR they're so scared of Covid that they're avoiding meeting others. I actually had one job lined up, but then we went on lockdown again and the parents backed out because they're so scared of Covid. Another thing I've done is develop quite a stock of teaching materials both hardcopies and online resources through this time of Covid. I've spent time online hunting free resources, activities, curriculum, etc. I've purchased teaching items as I found super cheap deals and promotions. I've spent time going through my resources and dividing them by skill and becoming familiar with what all I have so it can be utilized fully when I finally do get to teach again. I'm so beyond ready to start teaching again, it's unreal! I want to actually put to use everything I've gathered! Currently waiting to hear back from one more mom who's interested in tutoring for her 5 year old daughter. Praying that's a go soon! And third, I tried sending out a vision letter, both hard copy and email, to those in America to try and find monthly financial support. I know everyone has struggled through this time of Covid, but it's still my hope that there are those who believe in my calling and vision and would like to support my ministry here. Below are just a few pictures of the materials I've acquired during my time here. Still more I'd like to invest in, but I have to wait until things are more certain and I have funding coming in. I have quite the shopping cart lists on two of Thailand's biggest selling sites!

You may ask who. Who do I teach? That all depends on the English Centers and random word of mouth folks I've tutored. I've taught adults, teenagers, and littles. Mostly, I've taught and tutored for free, but there has been an occasion or two where I was paid a little too. I've volunteered in schools, 3 English Centers, and 2 churches here so far. I've privately tutored around 10 people both online and in person. I've also taught a range of subjects including math, history, and English. Let me tell you, teaching math in Thai is DIFFICULT! I have no idea what a rhombus is in Thai! But my biggest desire is to teach the littles before they enter mandatory schooling to prepare them for school and give them a good base knowledge to start with. I would also like to introduce them to the love of Christ from a young age as well. I would then hope to continue teaching them as they get older as well. That brings me to the how of it all. Yes, I have a dream. Yes, I believe that dream is a calling from God, my purpose. To keep living this calling out, I need monthly financial supporters. I need you. Please pray about and consider making my service here in Thailand possible. To allow me to continue to serve here where my heart has found it's home in service. I don't expect everyone to donate. And I don't expect all that donate to give huge or outside their means. Honestly, $15 a month would pay for my internet. I can usually eat for under $10 a day. In normal times, my travel expenses are usually around $50-80 a month depending on which English Centers and how often I'm teaching. My biggest expense is of course rent, which is $350-400 a month depending on utilities. These are just a few examples, but as you can see, money goes a bit further here. Any monthly donation will help me continue to live and serve for free here in Thailand! You can give through my organization's website at https://www.modernday.org/field-workers/clmoye77/ Or if you'd prefer I get the full donation without admin fees, you can give through Zelle using some online banking apps or downloading the Zelle app itself and using my email clmoye77@gmail.com. I pray that you will prayerfully consider supporting my outreach here in Thailand and possibly supporting the expansion of my ministry to include the Love English Learning Center in the future. If you have questions or just want to talk, feel free to send me a message! We can go over more details if you're interested or we can just chat about everything. We can arrange a video chat through Facebook Messenger, Whatsapp, Zoom, or Skype. These typically all work well for me here in Thailand. Don't be afraid to reach out to me. You are important and I appreciate the role you play in my life and ministry.